Too Little, Too Late
by QT Roo
Summary: Seven years after leaving JAG to work with Dalton,Mac returns to Washington D.C. and tries to rekindle her friendship and ignite possibly more with Harm. Is she too late?


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Written by M.A.G~ E-mail: Gypsyroo@aol.com  
Disclaimer: JAG doesn't belong to me, it never will. I'm just borrowing the characters. Don't sue me,I'm only 16 and have no money. The song Little Too Little isn't mine, and is performed by Pat Benatar and her hubby Neil Giraldo. Lyrics by: A. Call...I can't find the CD and wrote out the lyrics from memory so bear with me.  
*Note: This takes place seven years after season three, and is based on Mac staying with Dalton's firm and leaving JAG for good. There was no Brumby, Jordan or Renée and the Kate Harm married is Kate Pike. Thanks to my crazy ex-global teacher for her fictitious Joe Schmuckatello.  
********  
  


Too Little, Too Late  
(to Shanny and Chantelle:my sisters at heart)  


  
Mac walked up the three steps and paused on the stoop. What am I doing? she asked herself. He's moved on, you've moved on; the whole world moved on in the seven years since she had left JAG to join Dalton Lowne's private law firm. The transition from military law to civilian law was great. She was technically no longer a Marine, but she still carried with her what she had learned and had the tendency to overuse sir and ma'am. Never an ex Marine. She missed the Marines and JAG, and more importantly, Harm. Dalton proposed and she'd accepted. Before she knew it, Dalton and a friend started their own law firm and made her partner in Lowne, MacKenzie & Brachman. in his hometown of Boston and she had followed. Mac and Harm's friendship was compromised by distance and they lost touch. She had watched the gradual disintegration of her marriage, due to Dalton's workaholic behavior, his postponing starting a family, and finally he was driven into the arms of another woman. They were different people now, weren't they? She took a deep breath. Suck it up, she told herself. She rang the doorbell.  
  
To her great surprise, a little girl about five or so came to the door. She didn't know why it had been such a shock. It had been seven years and it should have occurred to her that Harm had gotten married and had children.  
  
"Daddy!" called the little girl. Oh god, Mac thought. Why did I come here?  
  
Suddenly a voice, "Don't worry. She won't bite, she lost most of her baby teeth. " Harm materialized before her, his infamous fly boy grin steadily in place. Mac was speechless. His face was slightly lined, and his hair was slightly lighter but he still looked like the old Harm. He still possessed those intense, yet tranquil azure eyes. The little girl had the same eyes, though they still manifested the innocence of a child. He opened the door and let her in. "Don't be a stranger." He reached out his arms to hug her and she fell in his embrace.   
  
"It's been a long time." she said, with a slight laugh. "Too long." They broke free and the little girl was vying for her father's attention.  
  
"This is Sarah MacKenzie. We used to work together."  
  
"Mac, can I still call you that?" he asked. She nodded and he continued. " This is Sheridan Elyse." She had porcelain skin, her raven hair straight and slightly past her shoulder.  
  
"She's precious." Mac said with a smile.   
  
"Thank you. Go do your homework, Sher."he said.  
  
"Aye aye, Daddy." said the girl cutely, before exiting the living room.  
  
"Do you have any children?" he asked, when his daughter had disappeared.  
  
"No. Dalton kept wanting to wait, and then one day the marriage was over. It wasn't fair to bring a child into that." She stared at the ring on his finger.  
  
"Does Sheridan have any brothers or sisters?"  
  
"No." he said, hesitating.  
  
"I bet Sheridan looks just like her mother, although, she has your eyes. I'd like to meet your wife sometime." Mac said, her smile quickly fading when she saw the look on Harm's face.  
  
"Kate was killed. She got in a car accident with Sheridan when she was two and our three month old daughter, Olessa."  
  
'Does Sheridan have any brothers or sisters?' 'No.''Car accident with Sheridan and our three month old daughter, Olessa.' Mac replayed his words in her head. Oh, god, Mac thought. Harm had lost his daughter as well.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Harm. I had no idea."  
  
"I was just about to make some hot chocolate for Sheridan, would you like some?" he asked.  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Come in the kitchen with me." he said, she followed.  
  
********  
  
"I'd admire you, Harm. How do you do it?"  
  
"Do what?"  
  
"Raise her alone."  
  
Oh no, not that again. Harm stirred the milk in the pot, his back turned to Mac. He took a deep breath. "It's hard, but we're doing fine." he simply said. A moment later, Harm was pouring the pots contents into three colorful mugs. "Sher!" he called.   
  
They heard the pitter patter of her tiny feet running towards the kitchen. She made her entrance through the kitchen door. "Hello!" said the girl to Mac cheerfully. Mac smiled.  
  
Harm handed Sheridan her mug and slid one across the table to Mac. "You can drink that upstairs if you promise to be careful, Sher." he said.  
  
"I promise. Thank you, Daddy." She wrapped her free arm around him and kissed him on the cheek, before disappearing through the door once again.  
  
Mac smiled to herself. He was so good with Sheridan. She always knew he'd make a wonderful father. Mac came back to the earth, hearing Harm's voice.  
  
"Why are you here?"  
  
She thought his words sounded cold. No, Mac, he's just asking you a simple damn question he deserves the answer to. "Everything crumbled and I wanted to go back to that constant, what worked. Boston is nice, but I've always felt at home here. You and I worked. I mean our friendship did, until we lost touch. This may sound like the lamest thing in the world to you, and it's probably too late but I miss you and want our friendship back. "  
  
"I'd like that more than anything, Mac." he said. What he really wanted more than anything was to bring Kate and Olessa back so the four of them could be a family again. "How long will you be in D.C.?"  
  
Until it's time for me to go six feet under at Arlington, she thought. She didn't want to say that and remind him of death. "I actually moved back here, the apartment next to my old one in Georgetown, as a matter of fact. I already got a job at the prestigious Law Firm of McCoy and Kincaid."  
  
********  
  
Harm and Mac saw each other often in the ensuing months. They had gotten their friendship back and discovered that their was still that same chemistry between them. The relationship was something they both needed, but still it wasn't the same as before. They had moved on a new level in their relationship, but had gone two steps back. She gave him her heart and soul while he gave her only his body. Harm distanced a part of himself from her, putting up an impassable barrier.   
  
Sheridan instantly had taken to Mac. There hadn't been a woman in her life besides her grandma and great grandma since her Mommy had died. Sure, she liked Aunt Sydney, the doctor who was Uncle AJ's wife, and Aunt Harriet, but none were as cool as Mac.  
  
********  
  
Mac brushed through Sheridan's silken hair. "Is this what it's like having a Mommy is like, Mac? I don't remember her." the child asked, a sadness coming over her.  
  
"Doesn't your Daddy tell you about her?"  
  
"No, it makes him too sad. He's got all her pictures hidden too. Sometimes I get afraid that I'll totally forget her, until I see her picture."  
  
"You'll never forget her in your heart. You're a part of her and she's a part of you."  
  
"I hope you're right. You never asked my question. Is this what it's like to have a Mommy?"  
  
"My mother left me on my birthday, but yeah, this is one thing a mother does."  
  
"Left to go where? Is she in heaven like my Mommy?"  
  
"No, she chose to leave."  
  
"Why would she leave you? Didn't she love you? Do you think my Mommy loved me?"  
  
"Just because she left didn't mean that she didn't love me. Just because your Mommy is in Heaven doesn't mean that she ever stopped loving you."  
  
"Sometimes I get so jealous because Olessa is with Mommy. I love my Daddy but I want a Mommy. He never sees anyone, he never tries. I hope you become my Mommy, Mac."  
  
The child's words caught her totally off guard. "Anyone would be lucky to have you as a daughter." She wiped her eyes. She gave Sheridan's hair a final stroke and set the brush down on the dresser.   
  
"Thank you, Mac."   
  
"You're welcome, sweetie." She hugged the girl.  
  
********  
  
Later that night, Mac and Harm were in the kitchen. Sheridan was getting ready for bed. "I saw the cutest little hat today. Sheridan would love it. I was going to get it for her, but I wasn't sure what color she'd want." Mac said, loading the dishwasher.  
  
"Stop it." Harm said.  
  
She left the dishwasher alone and stared at him oddly. "Alright, but the dishes won't wash themselves."  
  
"Forget the dishes. I'm not talking about that."  
  
"Just what the hell *are* you talking about then?"  
  
"I see what you're doing with Sheridan and I can't ignore it anymore. Just think because you got into my bed you think you can play Mommy to her all of a sudden?"  
  
"I'm not trying to replace, Kate, Harm! No one can ever replace her mother. That's what all this is about isn't it? You've been giving me the cold shoulder because you feel like you'll be betraying your wife if you have a relationship with someone else and allow them into Sheridan's life. She's dead, Harm. You have to accept it. Just because she's dead, doesn't mean you have to stop living. I can't compete with a ghost anymore."  
  
"Get out!  
  
"Gladly. That's precisely what I was going to do." she stormed out of the kitchen and grabbed her purse from the living room. She ran out the door. Sheridan stood on the steps watching.  
  
********  
  
Mac drove aimlessly. She couldn't believe him and his obsessions. He loved his wife but he had stopped living when she had. It wasn't good for him or his daughter. He possessed this need to be loyal to her even after death. 'I can't compete with a ghost.' she whispered, the tears welling in her eyes. He'd never give her a chance, not now. She realized now that she had a chance, only now it was many years too late. She had blown it when she went off with Dalton. She switched on the radio.  
  
********  
  
"Why did you do that Daddy?" said a voice behind him. He turned around. "Why did you chase her away? She loves you."  
  
He said nothing.  
  
"I know you still love Mommy, so do I, but you can love Mac too. Mommy wouldn't want you to be alone like this." said Sheridan. She was one well thought, perceptive child. She was smarter than the average six year old and was put in advanced first grade. There was no one better than a child to point of the simple things in life.  
  
"I blew it didn't I? Everyone makes mistakes and I just made a big one." Everything Mac had said was true.  
  
"Go after her, Daddy."  
  
"I intend to." He picked up his phone and dialed her cell phone.  
  
*********  
  
Mac sped towards home. It was pouring and the streets were slicked with rain. It was cold and some puddles were frozen. The air was cold, deathly cold. It was a cold that set deep into your bones and no matter what you did, you still didn't feel warm. Her cell phone chirped to life beside her on the seat. She ignored it. Whoever it was, she has no desire to talk to them. She put the radio on louder, listening to the music.   
  


_It's a little too little,  
It's a little too late,   
I'm a little too hurt and there's nothing left there I got to say  
You can cry to me baby,   
But there's only so much I can take,  
It's a little too little, it's a little too late._  


  
  
********  
  
Harm got no answer. He kept dialing her cell and home numbers to no avail, only to be greeted by endless ringing. He went upstairs to his bedroom and flipped through a book to get his mind off Mac. He yawned.  
  
********  
  
The roads were slippery due to ice and falling rain, putting drivers in a dangerous predicament, or was it the drivers that put themselves in danger by driving in the first place. It was hard to see as the rain was pounding the city with water. A blue car skidded into another car, sending it and another car reeling into other parked cars.  
  
********  
  
Joe Schmuckatello saw the whole accident. It was a bad one. He immediately got on his cell phone and dailed nine-one-one. He told the dispatcher the location of the accident and that a blue Toyota smashed into a white and green sedan, as well as a red Vette. Harm flipped through the channels before finally landing on the traffic report. A sickening feeling came over him as he heard the descriptions of the cars involved. Mac would have been on that road if she was headed home. It can't be her, he told himself. There were many cherry red Vettes out there. He managed to convince himself that she was safely tucked into bed at home, ignoring his phone calls. He switched off the TV and went upstairs to check on Sheridan. She was sound asleep. He got into bed himself.  
  
********  
  
His own phone rang no more than thirty minutes later. He prayed it was Webb or some phone solicitor with a caffeine problem. A feeling of dread came over him as he brought the receiver to his ear. "Rabb."  
  
"Mr. Rabb, this is officer Michaels. We pulled a woman, a Sarah MacKenzie from a car wreck. Her ID had you listed as next of kin. She was rushed to Mercy Hospital."  
  
"I'll be right there," he said, a million thoughts and emotions coursing through him. He got a neighbor to stay with Sheridan and rushed to the hospital.  
  
********  
  
He sat by her bedside all night. He apologized and told her he had been such a fool to push her away. She lapsed into a coma they never expected her to come out of. That day, Harmon Rabb Jr. finally told Sarah MacKenzie that he loved her, but she didn't hear him. She was already dead, her lungs and heart still breathing and beating by artificial means. She'd suffered the same fate as his wife and baby daughter. It was too late.  
  
********  
  
Harm awoke in a cold sweat. He opened his eyes, only to be assaulted by the harsh yellow light of the bedside reading lamp. He turned to look at the clock, and the book fell off his lap with a thud onto the floor. It had only been a dream. No, a nightmare. It had only been twenty minutes since he had gone upstairs. He must've fallen asleep. It had all seemed so real, so vivid. It was too real. He picked up the phone and dialed Mac's number.  
  
********  
  
"Hello?" she said, sounding like she had been crying.  
  
"Mac..." he started. "I'm sorry. I made a mistake pushing you away. I want us to try."  
  
"I'm sorry I started in on you before. I should have kept my mouth shut."  
  
"No, I needed to hear it. Thank you, Mac. I need you in my life, Sheridan needs you."  
  
"Harm, I don't know what to say."  
  
"I love you, Sarah. I know I shouldn't have told you over the phone, but it couldn't wait. Life is too short. I didn't want to tell you how I feel when it was too late."  
  
"I love you, too, Harm."  
  
********  
  
  
**(Please leave feedback...Love it? Hate it?Let me know. I really enjoy hearing peoples opinions regarding my writing.Thanks.)**  
  
***Note: I was inspired to write this after seeing the Law & Order episode Aftershocks again in which one of my favorite characters is killed. In the original story, I had Mac die and just now as I got to typing up the hospital scene I decided I didn't want to end it like that because it was too depressing. I'm the biggest Harm/Mac shipper and want them together. I'm much more happy with the story now, that Mac getting into the accident was only a nightmare in Harm's head.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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